The Pressure of Circumstance....

Updated: Aug 18, 2020

Location: Baltimore, Maryland May 6th- Jun 15th

Rolling with the flow of things had been the theme of my life when big events occurred. When big changes happened in my life, I would often feel powerless to change the situation, but this time was different. So with all of my belongings & a determined heart, I decided to keep moving on. For the first week I enjoyed sleeping the car. It was pretty warm outside, the car was ideal. Things quickly became not fun when I had back stiffness & had to work a shift at a restaurant, spending several hours on my feet.

About 10 days go by & I start to get calls & messages On FB about my whereabouts from a lot of people who normally don't interact with me. I found it strange that other people were checking up on me, when my phone hadn’t rung once from the caller in days. I investigated & I discovered the Caller had made a “missing & I don’t know what happened to him” post. This statement was a blatant lie, but the Caller had spread this lie to so many people that they started to believe it.

I continue to push forward, about 2 weeks go by about an hour before my shift starts I’m driving to work. I receive a call from the Caller, it starts & ends with “You better give me my car back in 48 hours & if you don’t I’m going call the police & tell them you stole my car! I don’t care where you are, or how you get it done, just return my car!”

Spidey Senses tingling hard now. The same feelings of danger came flowing back into my body. Now it wasn’t only danger this time but betrayal. Quickly realizing that the irratability & tone of the last call was an actual threat to my existence, my brain went into to flight mode. I already found it useless to fight against this type of shady behavior, so returning the car was the best option. It seemed that this was the last piece of control that the Caller had over me.

Attempting to create a plan of the fly to live with out the car, thinking about work, thinking about loosing my job, where I was going to sleep with out the car, how would I get to work with, and how can I liquify all of my belongings to move lighter, feeling betrayed & in extreme danger were too much to balance while driving. The amount of stress that instantly piled up in under 30 seconds had my mind running racing.

I pull over to parking lot to meditate & create a solid game plan. While slowly driving into a parking lot with my mind completely distracted, I see an abandoned building & consider sleeping there after I return the car. I realize that I haven’t looked at where I'm driving in a few seconds & I look. I’m driving straight into a pole. I swerve out of the way & but not far enough. The car is now totaled. Air bags explode. My glasses are broken. My face is scratched up. My mind is frazzled. I just lay there in there in the air bag & try to hold back tears. Eventually they flow but they are so choppy because of the of sink or swim situation that I'm in now is preoccupying my mind.

After I come back to my senses, my next thought is “ The caller will think I did this out of spite & on purpose.”

I call the caller several times. Straight to voice mail. I later find out that each time the Caller would call, they would block me immediately after. No answer.

I call my cousin who I was just handing out with to come pick me up & take me to work. They arrive, they ask me what happened I told them.

The circumstances of the recent events didn’t look in my favor, due to the fact that the parking lot was isolated. The security cameras had all been facing away from the parking lot, and there was only 1 pole in the entire parking lot. My cousin had been aware of the previous events between the Caller & I. They were heavily convinced that I tried to commit suicide.

We transfer my belongings into their truck & they tell me to create a really shady story to tell the police. Even with my mind frazzled & emotions in shock, I can still tell that this is a horrible idea. The police come immediately, they assess the situation & there are 2 cops. They play the good cop/bad cop routine. The bad cop opens up with an interrogation that is uncalled for. The good cop has been quiet this entire time & reading the room. He asks me a few questions & I told him the truth of my being distracted with out getting into detail. He asks me if I’m ok & give me a number to a therapist. He also asks me if I came here to harm myself. I told him no. I find my cousin stealing some of my belongings while the police is questioning me, & the car is hauled away.

With no response to the caller, I post the wreck of the car in social media. Other people reach out to me & so does the caller. “Where is my car!”. You did this to spite me” “You really hate me, you’ve hated me all this time” “What did I do to deserve this” “You are so inconsiderate & ungrateful”. No regard for me they insisted to have the information for the car, then told me to pay for it to be brought for their location & continued to make impossible requests. Completely fed up with the mistreatment from the Caller, I let my rage get the use of me & curse them out. At this point in my life I realize that people are gonna think what they think from their own level of consciousness & comprehension, there is nothing that I can do that will change that. So i’ll do what I want & live my life.

So for the next few weeks,I find myself walking to work, sleeping under steps, in motels & on people’s couches. This is when I understood the meaning of “wait until its dark to see who’s really riding with you”. I picked up a second job, it didn’t work out because I ended up sleeping out side of that job in fear of not loosing it. Then a light bulb went off in my head “why am I putting my all in for someone who dosen’t care about my well being”. From that point on I got fed up with the way things were going & the people around me. I was doing the best I could with all that I knew. I needed a foundation to build on and what I had gotten in Baltimore wasn’t working any more. I decided to take an offer from a distant relative who seemed to offer a life line quite some time ago

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